I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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