just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
