Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
