and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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