The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
