I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
