i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
