I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
