It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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