The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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