i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ttyl tear gas
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
