So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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