i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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