Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
