I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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