You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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