at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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