Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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