I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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