Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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