I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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