just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
