I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
