we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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