she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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