Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
