this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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