So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
