It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
