so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
