I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
