It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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