their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
