I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
