A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
