I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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