Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
