Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dear god my vagina.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
