know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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