I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
