you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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