Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
