I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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