went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he told me I talked like a deaf person
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
