At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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