it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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