he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
