All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
