guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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