i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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