Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he just fucked me for my cheese.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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