The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
