I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
