Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
