when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
