Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize