I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
