Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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