Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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