I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.