Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.