I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.