the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
