You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
