at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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