i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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